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My story
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melissarynes says:
My son Ashton Michael Cookson died on January 1, 2005. It was a shocking night. Ashton had a good day. He was full of smiles but tired a lot, he seemed to wake up a lot. I wish I knew what's wrong with my son before he went to the angels. You think to yourself a lot and saying what if. Jason and I decied to go out, with couple of friends. We ate dinner then went bowling then we went to the bar. I wish we would have went home because I know I had this worst feeling ever.
So it was around I think 2 am, my father called me and said, "Melissa you need to get home," and I was like, "Oh no Ashton's crying." So when we got there, wow a lot of cops maybe over 7 of them and a big white van and I saw my mom in tears and I was like, "My badass mom is crying", and I was like, "Oh no". When I went to go see my son, he was lying on the table, wrapped up. I didn't know what to think, I was scared. I lost someone I truly love with all my heart. So I sat down at the table and cried and prayed. Yes, I do hate God for this I really do but he's an angel and that's what God can do for me. I laid my head down next to him and said, "Ashton, I know you can't hear me, but this is mommy, I am so sorry I let you down, but I'm glad I saw you with a smile on your face and playing like a big boy. I love you so much Ashton, I will become strong for you in the future and make you a brother or sister. Someday mommy will meet you and we will be a family." Then I walked away so they could take him away.
I never felt lonely in my life. He made me strong to this day. I cry as often as I can but my strength is dying and I'm becoming weak. With doing the funeral there were over 100 people at his vistation. His own father showed up and he only saw him 3 times out of 5 months. I thought he and I were going to become really close and he was going to change, but Ashton didn't want me hurt, he always saw me happy.
To this day I think more of him each day, sometimes I think he's always lying next to me, I burn a candle in his memory every day and blow it out with a kiss with his pictures, he's my peanut and always will be.
You will always be in our hearts.
http://www.sidsfamilies.com/index.php?sec=nursery3&id=1556&Ashton_Michael_Cookson
Aug 16, 2007
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kaytill says:
Wow! No one should have to go through what you have been through. I can not even imagine what you have been feeling! My hasband ans I were trying to get pregnant again, and last year I had 2 miscarriages in 3 months. That was painful, but I'm not sure I could survive losing a child I have held and grown to love!
You will be in my prayers!
Take care...Karen
Jan 8, 2007
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melissarynes says:
thank you so much , it was very hard
Jan 9, 2007
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ava&lillysmommy says:
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us all. I am very sorry for your loss, you are a very strong person, and I wish you all the luck in the world as you continue on with your life.
Jan 13, 2007
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pebbles7195 says:
Thank you so much for sharing - I have a 4 month old and believe me I pray every night that god will take care of him - as well as my other children. I know it's hard - but as with any passing you have to keep saying to yourself they are in a better place and GOD needed them in heaven...I will keep you in my prayers.....Always here if you need to talk or whatever......
Jan 30, 2007
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My Four Boys says:
I have no idea what to say, I have lost loved ones before but losing my Mom was the absolute hardest thing ever. She has been gone for 3 1/2 years now and it has NOT gotten that much easier for me so I totally feel your pain. I am glad you are doing well. This is the reason I started the Let Me Count The Ways Challenge, post your work, it is great and I think it is kind of healing to express yourself. Take Care, you are in my prayers.
Feb 6, 2007
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melissarynes says:
aww thank you for your guys support
Feb 18, 2007
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lilscrappydoo says:
I'm so sorry for ur loss. I feel ur pain. my cosuin just lost her 4 yr old son to A rare form of brain cancer.my whole family was hurt by the loss of Bryce.keep strong he's always with u.I'm A mom to 3 boys who r my life I couldn't get through without them.
Feb 18, 2007
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MissingUshortstuff says:
I am so sorry for your loss, it is such a hard thing to see. I don't know what to say because their really isn't any answers, if need to talk let me know.
hugs,
Heidi
Jun 27, 2007
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klettmd says:
This is such a heartbreaking story and I am so sorry about your son. I hope it helps to know that others have been through what you are going through and that you can get through it. I don't think we can ever get over losing a child but we can learn how to go on with our lives--as hard as that may be. I will be praying for you and your family.
Marcell
Aug 16, 2007
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